The Journal of Andre Kriegman
by 90TheGeneral09
Summary: The journal of infamous 'Zero Day' school shooter Andre Kriegman, found after the police search of his room and the Kriegman house on May 1st, 2001, the day of the shooting.
1. Chapter 1- April 10, 1997

**Chapter 1  
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 **April 10** **th** **, 1997**

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 **A/N: I originally thought of writing a journal as if it was Andre's back in November of 2015. I had other work I was doing so I sat on the idea for a year and a half without doing anything with it. Well, I decided to get started and post a first chapter. This story will be based closely off the real journal kept by Eric D. Harris from 1998 to 1999. If you've read it you'll have an idea of what the content is, if not I better warn you: Eric's journal, and my writing of Andre's, is not that pleasant to read. Eric had a lot of hate in his heart and wrote it down in his journal. Andre is Eric's fictional counterpart in** _ **Zero Day**_ **, so I am basing his journal off of Eric's and will include sections of text written by Eric. I do not endorse any of what Eric says in his journal or what I will have Andre say in this one and in no way do I approve of what Eric and Dylan did or of what Andre and Calvin did. This fictional journal is meant to explore the character of Andre Kriegman and his mindset and give the reader some things to think about. Nothing more.**

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I hate the goddamn world, too many FUCKING people in it. Too much god damn stupid people. Jesus I fucking hate people. I'm 13 and I'm fucking full of rage for all these stupid assholes. We got too many different thoughts and societies all put together in this fucking country called AMERICA. Everyone has their own god-for-damned opinions on every god-damn-thing and you may be saying "What makes you so different, Andre?" because I have something nobody else has and no one else will ever have it. SELF AWARENESS. I'm a fucking GOD and nobody knows it. I'm a FUCKING GOD did you read that asshole? Hitler hasn't got shit on what I'D do to these people. Anyway it's self-awareness. Call it existentialism or call it anything. Call it whatever the FUCK YOU want. Hey did you see that? I wrote FUCK YOU. Yeah. So what it means is, I know what I am to this world and what everyone else is. I know.

I know more than what caused the fucking civil war. I learned more than how to do algebra at school today. I have been fucking watching you people. I know how you all think. I know how you act. You never see me but I fucking see you and I know you people are all talk no actions. People are just STUPID. Like when people say somebody was brave and they did something on purpose but in fact it was a fucking ACCIDENT like life itself is. No GOD created us. We just showed up because we evolved out of bacteria or something. But just like how some people want us to think that happened on purpose, they want you to think someone brave did it on purpose when the truth is they don't know what the FUCK THEY WERE DOING.

GOD I HATE EVERYTHING. EVERYONE has their own corrupt ideas and everyone is out for themselves and wanna try to fuck everybody else and I don't mean in a good way. The world is so FUCKING filled with people's points of view and ideas and points of view and FUCK I WROTE THAT TWICE. God DAMN IT. What I mean is everyone has filled the world with their own SHIT and they want everything their way. FUCK. This is not a fucking world anymore anyway. It is HOE and nobody knows it but ME.

Anyway self awareness is a wonderful thing. I'm 13 and I know I will die soon and like they say KNOWLEDGE IS POWER MOTHERFUKKERS ha ha. Maybe we will be lucky and a fucking giant rock will come smash us back to day one. We'll need to restart humanity and ladies Andre Kriegman is READY to do his part! But maybe it's better if I die and so does everyone else. People say you aren't supposed to follow others. They say be a leader be a leader, do that. News flash: EVERYONE IS A FOLLOWER! Americans love to talk about how we don't follow anyone and we're all individuals but we're fucking conformists and that's IT. END of the FUCKING STORY. And everyone who says they aren't followers and tries to dress different or act different or something, they got that shit from something they saw on TV or in a movie or real life. Point is someone else did it before they did. No originality. How many Jo Momma jokes are there and how many of them do you think are original and not copied. KEINE.

It's a fucking filthy place we live in. All these rules and standards and laws and expectations. It's making everyone into fucking robots even though they "think" they aren't and they try to deny it. No matter how hard I try to NOT copy someone I still AM! Except for this fucking piece of paper in this fucking notebook right here. And BTW spelling is stupid unless I say. Everything is stupid unless I SAY OTHERWISE. I say spell it how it sounds, it's fuckin easier! Oh hey try this sometime. When someone tells you something ask "why" and eventually they will be stumped and can't answer any more. That's because they only know what they got told in society and school. Not real life science. Keep asking them "why" and they will get mad and say "Because! Just shut up!" because they will know you are on to their bullshit. People that don't know anything real but just useless facts should be shot, what fucking use are they anyway.

NATURAL SELECTION

That means shut down the fucking "special ed" department at school. Take the retards and cripples and drug addicts and people with fucked brains, and people who can't figure out how to use a fucking lighter and just fucking kill them all. We spend millions of dollars on saving retards and putting them through school and supporting them their whole lives. WHY. They serve no purpose to the rest of us and all they do is eat food and cost us money. Geeeaaawd imagine how much we could save if we just didn't bother with that anymore. "Oh, but he's my son though!" So the fuck what, he ain't normal and he doesn't do shit, he'll just drain the rest of us, kill him. Put him out of his misery. People would say "He's human too, he is worth it" but I DON'T FUCKING BUY IT. If your retard son was worth it he would eat a god damn bullet cause he would realize what a fucking useless POS he was. GOD I'm just done. Fuck this.

I better hide this journal though. Gotta find a good place to hide it. If mutter und vater find it I will be FUCKED you know what I mean. Yeah. Okay I'll write more later when I feel like it.

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 **A/N: 3-6-2017 is the date I first posted this chapter. At various points in his journal, Eric Harris used German. This is partly because of his infatuation with German metal bands KMFDM and Rammstein, but also because of his fascination with Adolf Hitler, the Nazi Party, the SS and World War II. Andre, however, comes from a German family and can actually speak German instead of just knowing a few words he learned here and there. So while Andre will write primarily in English, just as he speaks almost exclusively in English in the movie, I will have him use the German he knows from time to time.**

 **I realize Zero Day is a pretty low-traffic fandom so it may be a while before this gets many (or any) views or reviews. That's okay. I appreciate any views and any reviews in advance and welcome all manner of feedback.**

 **Notice this story starts before the first video entry in the movie does, which is 6-23-2000. Its date, April 10** **th** **, is when Eric Harris wrote the first entry to his journal.**

 **This story, like all of my** _ **Zero Day**_ **stories, is connected to the works of another user who uploaded 8** _ **Zero Day**_ **stories in December 2011 and then deleted them all sometime in 2016. That user, in the deleted fanfic "Calvin's Video Diaries" establishes that Calvin first met Andre in September of 1997 and has them create the plan to carry out Zero Day in 2000, prior to the first video entry in June. This is all plausible, since Eric and Dylan did not make plans to attack their high school right away. It would take time for the friendship to strengthen and for Andre and Cal to each become trusting enough towards the other that they would start speaking of the kinds of topics that would bring about raising the idea of committing a school shooting and then making a plan to do it. Anyway, I will be basing events in this story off of the 'canon' of that other user's work and their highly realistic portrayal of the history and progression of Andre and Cal's relationship. This story is in many ways a counterpart to the former story "Calvin's Video Diaries" which I will be rewriting in full later on. For now this initial chapter is all that I'll have up, but I will write a number of other entries detailing Andre's thoughts and echoing Eric's throughout the story.**


	2. Chapter 2- April 11, 1997

**Chapter 2  
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 **April 11, 1997**

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Jesus fucking Christ was I mad yesterday. Look I didn't actually mean half that shit I wrote okay? I was pissed off. God damn did I have a bad day Thursday. I mean, a BAD FUCKING DAY. Mom Dad if you find this I am FINE okay? I just had a bad day and needed to vent. I did not mean any of that shit I wrote.

Okay they gone? ha ha. Tell me when they r gone.

You wanna know? [NAME REMOVED] motherfucking pissed me off. That's what happened. Actually middle school FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL is what happened but [NAME REMOVED] is the latest thing. He thinks he's so fuckin smart. Nice clothes, some gym muscles and he's on the football team, and everybody just thinks he's so cool. Fuck him. He slammed my hand in my locker door at gym class. It hurt so fuckin bad and I had to be at the nurse with ice on my hand the rest of the day so I missed class and gotta make up all this work.

He didn't even get in trouble. I told them what he did but he just said it was an accident and he didn't really mean to. He even came to the nurse to 'apologize' to me! I told him FUCK OFF buddy and then the nurse gets mad at ME! She tells me calm down and I almost got detention cause I got mad and started yelling. Shit my hand hurt. Well [NAME REMOVED] says he's sorry again but when the nurse has her back turned he smiles and flips me the bird. The fuckin BIRD. I told the nurse but he put his hand down and she didn't see anything and told me to calm down again. I wanted to kill her, then him.

I get spitballs thrown at the back of my head and if I turn around everybody acts all innocent. My English teacher leaves the room and I get curious about what my grade is and I go look at her open book. Didn't even think about it. Whole class saw me. Well she comes back and I'm sitting down and [NAME REMOVED] puts up her hand and says, "[NAME REMOVED]? Andre was looking at your grade book while you were out of the classroom." This girl's so pretty and everyone likes her, no wonder she's dating HIM and not me. The bitch. Well teacher says she didn't see it so she's letting it go but she glares at me and says I better be GLAD she didn't see it. Fucking whore with a nice ass and tits rats me out. She snitched. Whatever happened to "snitches get stitches"? HUH? Guess it's okay when he's a fucking loser like Andre Kriegman, nobody likes HIM, go ahead and snitch on HIM. He's nothing. He's nobody. Fuck him.

WHAT is it about these jocks and rich kids that everybody just likes them better? What makes them so great huh? Any stupid fuck can throw a football and lift weights. Anybody can do that. Did that get us to the moon or something? Fuck it I'm done with middle school.

Well, almost. It's April and I am almost out of here, got about a month and a half or something like that I am NOT a FUCKING calendar okay. God the weather is at least getting better. I can see the girls all wearing shorts and t-shirts right now. We've got some nice pieces of tail at this school if you know what I mean. I jacked off thinking about a couple today, like [NAME REMOVED] and [NAME REMOVED] and [NAME REMOVED]. I'd fucking kill somebody to have them over for a threesome. I'm in 8th grade but I first jerked off last year okay? I'm fucking ready to go. Let's DO THIS girls.

And as long as I'm dreaming I'd like to fit in. No chance huh? Forget it, Andre. Yeah. I THOUGHT so. Whatever.

One day I want to be more than this. I do NOT think Andre Kriegman was meant to be some skinny loser with just about no friends. If I was never meant to BE anybody why am I so smart? Why can I tell everyone around me is so FUCKIN STUPID and immature and worthless? And WHY do I want to be one of them? God I'd take [NAME REMOVED]'s muscles, looks, social status, nice clothes, rich parents in a second. I'd do it in a second. Am I just another conforming piece of shit just like them? I mean am I really that different if I want to be one of them?

Maybe its supposed to be like this. Maybe I'm meant to be different.

I wish being different didn't mean hating my life this much. People say they value it when u r different but they really don't I mean just look at ME. I'm different. Do they value me? NO. Forget it. No chance. No way. Noooooo. Anything but let that kid ANDRE come along, nobody likes HIM. I dunno man I'm in fucking 8th grade. Nobody gets me I swear. Some days I hate everyone and everything and I kind of like it. I feel powerful when I hate. I feel like I amount to something. I like it. But some days I actually feel good and I think maybe I shouldn't be so PISSED all the time. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But I've been a lot angrier a LOT more since I started middle school and that is just the way it is.

Writing this shit kind of helps me. I mean I don't wanna fucking TALK to anybody about this shit and it would probably get me sent to some fuckin quack doctor anyway. So this will be our little secret okay Spiral Notebook? Okay. I can't wait for the summer. I hate middle school. Actually I just hate school. MAN am I glad it is Friday. Another week in my sentence over.

I love playing DOOM though. Came out when I was twelve, what was it 1993? Yeah. Anyway I've been killing the SHIT out of fucking Hell's demons since then and DAMN DO I LOVE IT. Ha ha. It's fun as fuck to just watch them rushing at me too stupid to know I'm gonna fucking kill them all. YEAH MAN. I'm gonna play some Doom and jerk off to the mag that [NAME REMOVED] sold me for ten bucks last month. He's a cool guy but I can't really trust him with the serious shit. Okay well I'm done for today. Later fuckers.

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 **A/N: You will notice that I have the names of Andre's classmates, teachers, and friend censored; this is in imitation of the censoring of all people mentioned by name in Eric Harris' journal. It also saves me the trouble of fabricating names of characters who, ultimately, don't really matter. I think I will include Rachel's name and maybe Brad Huff though, overlooking the censored names thing a bit for the purposes of the story.**

 **A word on the first chapter. I made a mistake basing it so closely on an entry in Eric's journal in 1998. He started that journal a year before his death, and by that time he had either made the beginnings of the plan with Dylan Klebold or he had, at any rate, become fixated on a violent revenge fantasy and was willing to carry it out. Point being, Eric started his journal in 11** **th** **grade, while I have Andre starting his at the end of 8** **th** **. Big difference. At this point Andre has not even met Calvin Gabriel yet. Now, could he have been as angry as he is in Chapter 1 in 1997? I think so. But I would rather show a progression of Andre's mind and emotions down a darker and darker path than show him being mad as hell from beginning to end.**

 **I think that if Andre kept a journal between 11** **th** **and 12** **th** **grade, it would be extremely violent and filled with rage. But in 8** **th** **grade? Angry and violent, probably, but maybe not as much. I think it would both be more interesting story telling if Andre progressed down this path leading him to Zero Day, and more plausible. I actually do think that is more how it would have happened for someone like Andre. Nevertheless his thoughts are different than Calvin's and will continue to be. Calvin is calmer outwardly, concealing his anger and suppressing it beneath his very real confusion about life, his place in it, and his struggles with depression. Andre also feels like he doesn't belong and has his own problems with depression, but he is less poetic and outwardly calm. Untended and untreated, Andre's anger grows as he gets better and better at hiding it from anyone who could help or change him. I will try to show in this story that Andre is on a JOURNEY to Zero Day, not fulfilling the destiny he was born with. I believe Andre got the way he became over time and hope to show that in this journal.**


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